Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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