i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dignity is for republicans.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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