Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
