I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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