They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
