last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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