mondays should just be called national damage control day
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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