Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I love you.
Bad choice
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
