Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
