at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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