do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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