btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings