I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.