Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.