I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
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This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!