Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory