i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
