She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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