:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
