I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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