Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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