I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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