Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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