so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize