I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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