I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
