We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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