he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
