i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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