..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
