well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
