Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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