Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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