wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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