I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
