We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
