are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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