I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
