I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
