things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
