Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
