Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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