If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
