I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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