We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
