got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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