Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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