Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
