Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
