hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
