I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
