My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
