the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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