I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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