remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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