i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
