my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
nutella sex= disaster
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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