Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Found your dick twin last night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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