Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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