Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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