Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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