I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
