It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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