I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yo dont text me then not text me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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