things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize