She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
