Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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