Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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