peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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