I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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