So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize