By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
