So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
